Andrea Bongnani
Branbong Roy
Patrick O'Bong
Hilton Bongstrong
Quincy Douby
Renaldo Bongman
Rajon Bongdo
Ejike Ukbongaja
How do you call it Eden Bavcic
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Winners and Losers
2006 NBA Draft winners and losers
First of all, the Portland Trailblazers made more moves in the span of four and a half hours than a San Fernando Valley drug dealer. Randy Foye was traded 20 times, going from being a sidebar to Sebastian Telfair's posse to drinking before practice with Darius Miles to having to take the big shots at the end of games because Kevin Garnett refuses to take them. Stephen A and Dick Vitale yelled, Jay Bilas did his best Hubie Brown impression and Dan Patrick and David Stern had either a very awkward, scripted exchange or genuinely don't like each other. How much would you pay to watch a Stern Patrick brawl in the green room followed by Stern fining Patrick for leaving the studio area and suspending him for more games than Ron Artest? All in all, you really couldn't have asked for a more exciting draft.
The Winners
The Blazers
Once nicknames the JailBlazers, Portland has started the rebuilding process in the right way by getting rid of Sebastian Telfair, taking the best player in the draft in Brandon Roy, drafting a big man with potential in LaMarcus Aldredge and taking two Euro's with potential in Sergio Rodriguez (traded from the Suns) and Joel Freeland (he's British). BTW, I'm dissapointed Stephen A didn't interview Freeland. He could be the NBA's version of Sean Connery.
Israelis and Jews
Two Israelis drafted in the 2nd round and Jordan Farmer, who's half Jewish taken in the 1st round. Lieberman becomes the next president, Shawn Green wins the Triple Crown, and Jay Fiedler wins Super Bowl MVP. Everyone pick up your Manischewitz. L'Haim.
Russians
The Washington Wizards drafted a Russian in the first round (Pecherov) and a Ukranian (Veremeenko)in the second round. Then they signed the big Russian guy from Street Fighter 2 to be their mascot.
Losers
The New York Knickerbockers
Isaiah Thomas went from dumb to stupid to retarded to just plain unconscious. Can he at least pretend to know what he's doing. If I gave his job to my grandmother and told her you have the No.20 pick in the draft. Here are 8 mock drafts, please take someone at a position that you need and someone who hovers around the first round. She could have done a better job. Thomas' main boy Renaldo Balkman was projected as late as 57 in some drafts. Nice job Isaiah, good luck finding another place to work, and I mean any place to work. I wouldn't trust Isaiah to run my fantasy basketball league because he'd probably screw that up too. And to top it off, with his second first round pick, he drafted Mardy Collins, a combo guard who can't shoot the ball and has questionable athleticism. That gives the Knicks their 8th combo guard to go along with 0 point guards. Congratulations.
Darius Washington, Curtis Stinson, Pops Mensah-Bonsu, Kevin Pittsnogle, Mike Gansey
Have fun in Europe boys
P.S. I challenge that girl who won the spelling bee to spell any of the names of the players taken in the last quarter of the 2nd round.
Check back tomorrow for bong names with yesterday's NBA draftees.
First of all, the Portland Trailblazers made more moves in the span of four and a half hours than a San Fernando Valley drug dealer. Randy Foye was traded 20 times, going from being a sidebar to Sebastian Telfair's posse to drinking before practice with Darius Miles to having to take the big shots at the end of games because Kevin Garnett refuses to take them. Stephen A and Dick Vitale yelled, Jay Bilas did his best Hubie Brown impression and Dan Patrick and David Stern had either a very awkward, scripted exchange or genuinely don't like each other. How much would you pay to watch a Stern Patrick brawl in the green room followed by Stern fining Patrick for leaving the studio area and suspending him for more games than Ron Artest? All in all, you really couldn't have asked for a more exciting draft.
The Winners
The Blazers
Once nicknames the JailBlazers, Portland has started the rebuilding process in the right way by getting rid of Sebastian Telfair, taking the best player in the draft in Brandon Roy, drafting a big man with potential in LaMarcus Aldredge and taking two Euro's with potential in Sergio Rodriguez (traded from the Suns) and Joel Freeland (he's British). BTW, I'm dissapointed Stephen A didn't interview Freeland. He could be the NBA's version of Sean Connery.
Israelis and Jews
Two Israelis drafted in the 2nd round and Jordan Farmer, who's half Jewish taken in the 1st round. Lieberman becomes the next president, Shawn Green wins the Triple Crown, and Jay Fiedler wins Super Bowl MVP. Everyone pick up your Manischewitz. L'Haim.
Russians
The Washington Wizards drafted a Russian in the first round (Pecherov) and a Ukranian (Veremeenko)in the second round. Then they signed the big Russian guy from Street Fighter 2 to be their mascot.
Losers
The New York Knickerbockers
Isaiah Thomas went from dumb to stupid to retarded to just plain unconscious. Can he at least pretend to know what he's doing. If I gave his job to my grandmother and told her you have the No.20 pick in the draft. Here are 8 mock drafts, please take someone at a position that you need and someone who hovers around the first round. She could have done a better job. Thomas' main boy Renaldo Balkman was projected as late as 57 in some drafts. Nice job Isaiah, good luck finding another place to work, and I mean any place to work. I wouldn't trust Isaiah to run my fantasy basketball league because he'd probably screw that up too. And to top it off, with his second first round pick, he drafted Mardy Collins, a combo guard who can't shoot the ball and has questionable athleticism. That gives the Knicks their 8th combo guard to go along with 0 point guards. Congratulations.
Darius Washington, Curtis Stinson, Pops Mensah-Bonsu, Kevin Pittsnogle, Mike Gansey
Have fun in Europe boys
P.S. I challenge that girl who won the spelling bee to spell any of the names of the players taken in the last quarter of the 2nd round.
Check back tomorrow for bong names with yesterday's NBA draftees.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
NBA Draft Diary
NBA draft diary (In honor of Bill Simmons)
Forget the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, Stanley Cup, World Cup or even Madden Cup (greatest drinking game ever, I’ll explain later) the NBA draft is my favorite sporting event of the year.
2:45 pm. I’m getting antsy; I refuse to check my email because I’m afraid I have some assignment from the Daily News, but I’m not going anywhere for the next four hours, until Russ Granik pronounces… or mispronounces the last pick of the draft. This chair is about to feel the wrath of my ass.
Already I have two ongoing bets. 1. Adam Morrison will not be picked at No.3 by the Bobcats, but Rudy Gay will (can you see Michael Jordan taking a white guy? Me neither
2. Jordan Farmar will not slip to No.26, where the Lakers pick.
Easiest 10 bucks I’ve ever made, thanks to my buddy Buller.
3:00 I have to say I’m a little bit upset the Clippers don’t have a lottery pick. First I don’t get to watch a clearly confused Elgin Baylor who usually looks like someone just told him his car is being towed and second my buddy Champ, a Clipper season ticket holder and die hard Clippers fan isn’t here. I can’t watch the look on his face as the Clippers draft Chris Kaman. Just pure comedy any time the Clippers make a draft pick, at least it was for a long time.
3:55 pm Buller’s cousin just attempted to name the entire 2005 first round. He got stuck at Fran Vazquez at 11.
4:00 p.m. Bargnani looks nervous, here’s hoping he’s not the next Darko
Tyrus Thomas and Adam Morrison are both talking on their cell phones (a Willis McGahee moment)
JJ Redick is smiling, I think he’s wasted, hopefully he doesn’t drive
4:04: Morrison to Charlotte? No way, it can’t happen. Is Jordan changing his image?
4:05: Stephen A (aka the Pedestrian) is yelling, I’m not sure why, we’re just getting started
Jay Bilas just called this a deep draft. Does that mean it’s a terrible draft with no talent. Someone get me a translator.
4:08 Fran Frischilla, Dan Patrick? WTF. I want Barkley, Kenny Smith, Ernie, and Hubie Brown.
Hubie: “You’re the Toronto Raptors and you have the No.1 pick and ALSO you were terrible last season and you’re from Canada. Not a good decision.
4:10 Ric Bucher just said the Bobcats will select Adam Morrison. I’ve already lost one bet unless Bucher is wrong. Time to step up the gambling.
4:11 Rachel Nichols is the ugliest girl on ESPN although Shelly Smith gives her some competition
4:14 Dick Vitale: pumping up a college player. First time. “Thomas I love him, oh my God, this is unbelievable, its sensational, super duper, blah blah, why am I yelling” Vitale, shut up!
Who would win in a yelling contest between Vitale and Stephen A. This could get ugly.
4:15 Dan Dickau is traded. A huge surprise. I think Dickau will wind up on every team in the league before his career is over…twice. Good trade by Portland though. Addition by subtraction by getting rid of an overhyped point guard with no leadership ability and a bad attitude. Now begins the character transformation of the Blazers.
4:22 Are you surprised that Redick isn’t slurring his speech because I am.
4:23 Morrison looks like one of the Three Musketeers
Rudy Gay just brushed off forearms. Does that mean Jay-Z and the Nets are trading up, was that some kind of sign?
You, me and Dupree should be changed to You, me, and Darko. Isn’t it only a matter of time before Dark is out on the streets?
4:28 My buddy Hoosh just showed me a picture of Gary Oldman side by side with a pic of Bargnani. I think they’re twins.
Is Bill Walton’s cartoon character in the commercial high? Probably
4:37 With the first pick in the 2006 NBA draft, the Raptors select Andrea Bargnani. The Madison Square Garden crowd begins the “overrated” chant already. Bargnani’s suit doesn’t look like it fits him and the Raptors war room is cheering wildly.
4:40 “O I am from Europe,” Bargnani said, as Stu Scott points out that the crowd is booing him. This has to be scripted.
4:42 The Bulls just traded down for Viktor Khryapa and future considerations. Maybe future considerations mean they will eventually receive a good player. Or maybe just a year of free meals at Sullivan’s or Ruth’s Chris.
4:45 Bryan Colangelo just used the word minutia
4:52: Morrison/Scott part 2, Morrison is once again on the verge of crying. Cleenex needs to make a marketing move.
4:55 My buddy Levy just compared Tyrus Thomas to my 6’4 buddy Edan. That can’t be good for Thomas or the Bulls
Stephen A is straight hating on the Blazers. I love it.
5:01 The award for dumbest pick in the draft and the award for real smart to pass up Brandon Roy goes to the Atlanta Hawks.
Levy: “Who is the Hawks GM and why hasn’t he been fired?” I agree.
Shelden Williams may be decent but it feels like the Hawks absolutely refuse to take a point guard…ever.
Williams just won the award for biggest forehead in the NBA. Congratulations! You’re prize is in the green room.
Levy: “Is Redick taking a shot for every team that passes on him?”
5:04 Smartest pick of the draft by the T-Wolves. B- Roy will be the ROY this year, guaranteed.
5:12 Brandon Roy sounds like Channing Frye and Stu Scott keeps asking really deep questions
5:13 Rudy Gay’s watch looks like it’s worth more than my house
5:20 The questions from Scott continue. He’s trying really hard to make the prospects cry.
5:26 Vitale just mistakes Greg Anthony for Stephen A
5:30 Patrick O’Bryant apparently not only has great hands but “wonderful hands.” Terrific.
5:40 I enjoyed it way more when David Stern would come up and announce there has been a trade rather than Andy Katz or any of the ESPN reporters.
5:44 If Redick starts alongside Jameer Nelson, that’s a really small backcourt
5:54 Thanks Davis Stern for letting us know about a trade we found out about 3 hours ago
5:57 There’s been more trades in this draft than the amount of boyfriends Paris Hilton has had in the past year
5:59 Thabo Sefoloshu, another wing player going to Chicago, don’t they already have Luol Deng and Andres Nocioni
6:00 Welcome to Mormon country Ronnie Brewer, he doesn’t look very happy. But at least he has “freaky length” according to Bilas
Rai: “Brewer’s dad looks like on of the animals from the fifth element”
6:05 The Hornets have drafted Simmons and Hilton Armstrong, this reminds me of a few years ago when the Clippers drafted Chris Wilcox and Melvin Ely in the lottery. Horrendous.
6:10 If Hubie Brown was here: “You’re the 76ers and you want to move Allen Iverson to the 2 guard and you need a point guard really badly but then you draft a wing player who’s a poor man’s Andre Iguodala, and ALSO you have a general manager who doesn’t know what he’s doing.
6:30 I’m starting to yawn but Quincy Douby just got picked (Insert weed joke here)
6:32 The draft is lightened up with some drunk Knick fans wanting Marcus Williams to be their 4th guard with a bad attitude along with Starbury, Francis, and Jamal Crawford. At least Williams doesn’t chuck it up every time.
6:33 David Stern goes back into the war room, have the Knicks changed their mind?
Spike Lee motions to Stern to hurry up
6:35 Lee calls Renaldo Balkman a sleeper as the Knicks fans boo loudly. Isaiah Thomas is a genius. Bilas says he’s stunned repeatedly and calls Balkman a 2nd rounder. Meanwhile, Stephen A is “speechless” but then begins to yell again.
6:40 I’ve just received word that James White was on the phone at his agent’s office with Phil Jackson
Marcus Williams is regretting stealing those laptops. On the bright side, he’s losing some of that 14% body fat by sweating this out.
7:03 Lakers are on the clock, and I’m getting a little nervous. Of course, Kobe’s main boy Jim Gray is on the scene to tell us that Phil Jackson doesn’t like anyone in the draft
7:10 Buller predicted Farmar to the Lakers so I’ll give it to him, plus I lost both bets. But I’d pay 10 bucks for the Lakers to make a smart pick any day. Farmar is a perfect fit for the Lakers and their triangle offense because of his ability to shoot the ball (Bilas is an idiot) and his basketball IQ. A lot of guys don’t pick up the offense but Farmar will be able to contribute right away because he’ll find ways to be effective within the flow of the game. Plus he’s a local guy so he should feel right at home in the purple and gold. I’ve just received 10 different texts from people all pretty much saying the same thing. “Farmar staying in LA, that’s tight.”
7:25 Drunk Knick fans scream to fire Isaiah
The Knicks select Mardy Collins, a scoring guard. Don’t worry they don’t have any of those on their roster. Way to go Isaiah.
7:35 I never thought I’d see the day when the crowd would chant Russ Granik’s name.
7:40 Blazers GM being interviewed: Dan Patrick: “Do you have a philosophy and did you follow it?”
Blazers GM: Yea Dan, we wanted to get guys who can play offense and defense…and special teams
7:50 I thought I could make it all the way through the draft without yawning. I was wrong.
8:20 The first Israeli ever drafted Lior Eliyahu. Mazeltov.
8:38 Hassan Adams is drafted. Adams will combine with Richard Jefferson to form a high flying Arizona duo. If anyone can catch Jason Kidd’s passes it’s Adams. The Nets are unquestionably the most athletic team in the league.
I’m way too lazy and tired to talk about the rest of the draft, plus there were about 6 players drafted whose names I couldn’t even imagine pronouncing, including the Lakers pick Cheick Samb. Let’s hope he has tremendous upside potential, freakish athleticism, huge and wonderful hands, and super duper length.
Check back tomorrow for the winners and losers of the draft.
Forget the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, Stanley Cup, World Cup or even Madden Cup (greatest drinking game ever, I’ll explain later) the NBA draft is my favorite sporting event of the year.
2:45 pm. I’m getting antsy; I refuse to check my email because I’m afraid I have some assignment from the Daily News, but I’m not going anywhere for the next four hours, until Russ Granik pronounces… or mispronounces the last pick of the draft. This chair is about to feel the wrath of my ass.
Already I have two ongoing bets. 1. Adam Morrison will not be picked at No.3 by the Bobcats, but Rudy Gay will (can you see Michael Jordan taking a white guy? Me neither
2. Jordan Farmar will not slip to No.26, where the Lakers pick.
Easiest 10 bucks I’ve ever made, thanks to my buddy Buller.
3:00 I have to say I’m a little bit upset the Clippers don’t have a lottery pick. First I don’t get to watch a clearly confused Elgin Baylor who usually looks like someone just told him his car is being towed and second my buddy Champ, a Clipper season ticket holder and die hard Clippers fan isn’t here. I can’t watch the look on his face as the Clippers draft Chris Kaman. Just pure comedy any time the Clippers make a draft pick, at least it was for a long time.
3:55 pm Buller’s cousin just attempted to name the entire 2005 first round. He got stuck at Fran Vazquez at 11.
4:00 p.m. Bargnani looks nervous, here’s hoping he’s not the next Darko
Tyrus Thomas and Adam Morrison are both talking on their cell phones (a Willis McGahee moment)
JJ Redick is smiling, I think he’s wasted, hopefully he doesn’t drive
4:04: Morrison to Charlotte? No way, it can’t happen. Is Jordan changing his image?
4:05: Stephen A (aka the Pedestrian) is yelling, I’m not sure why, we’re just getting started
Jay Bilas just called this a deep draft. Does that mean it’s a terrible draft with no talent. Someone get me a translator.
4:08 Fran Frischilla, Dan Patrick? WTF. I want Barkley, Kenny Smith, Ernie, and Hubie Brown.
Hubie: “You’re the Toronto Raptors and you have the No.1 pick and ALSO you were terrible last season and you’re from Canada. Not a good decision.
4:10 Ric Bucher just said the Bobcats will select Adam Morrison. I’ve already lost one bet unless Bucher is wrong. Time to step up the gambling.
4:11 Rachel Nichols is the ugliest girl on ESPN although Shelly Smith gives her some competition
4:14 Dick Vitale: pumping up a college player. First time. “Thomas I love him, oh my God, this is unbelievable, its sensational, super duper, blah blah, why am I yelling” Vitale, shut up!
Who would win in a yelling contest between Vitale and Stephen A. This could get ugly.
4:15 Dan Dickau is traded. A huge surprise. I think Dickau will wind up on every team in the league before his career is over…twice. Good trade by Portland though. Addition by subtraction by getting rid of an overhyped point guard with no leadership ability and a bad attitude. Now begins the character transformation of the Blazers.
4:22 Are you surprised that Redick isn’t slurring his speech because I am.
4:23 Morrison looks like one of the Three Musketeers
Rudy Gay just brushed off forearms. Does that mean Jay-Z and the Nets are trading up, was that some kind of sign?
You, me and Dupree should be changed to You, me, and Darko. Isn’t it only a matter of time before Dark is out on the streets?
4:28 My buddy Hoosh just showed me a picture of Gary Oldman side by side with a pic of Bargnani. I think they’re twins.
Is Bill Walton’s cartoon character in the commercial high? Probably
4:37 With the first pick in the 2006 NBA draft, the Raptors select Andrea Bargnani. The Madison Square Garden crowd begins the “overrated” chant already. Bargnani’s suit doesn’t look like it fits him and the Raptors war room is cheering wildly.
4:40 “O I am from Europe,” Bargnani said, as Stu Scott points out that the crowd is booing him. This has to be scripted.
4:42 The Bulls just traded down for Viktor Khryapa and future considerations. Maybe future considerations mean they will eventually receive a good player. Or maybe just a year of free meals at Sullivan’s or Ruth’s Chris.
4:45 Bryan Colangelo just used the word minutia
4:52: Morrison/Scott part 2, Morrison is once again on the verge of crying. Cleenex needs to make a marketing move.
4:55 My buddy Levy just compared Tyrus Thomas to my 6’4 buddy Edan. That can’t be good for Thomas or the Bulls
Stephen A is straight hating on the Blazers. I love it.
5:01 The award for dumbest pick in the draft and the award for real smart to pass up Brandon Roy goes to the Atlanta Hawks.
Levy: “Who is the Hawks GM and why hasn’t he been fired?” I agree.
Shelden Williams may be decent but it feels like the Hawks absolutely refuse to take a point guard…ever.
Williams just won the award for biggest forehead in the NBA. Congratulations! You’re prize is in the green room.
Levy: “Is Redick taking a shot for every team that passes on him?”
5:04 Smartest pick of the draft by the T-Wolves. B- Roy will be the ROY this year, guaranteed.
5:12 Brandon Roy sounds like Channing Frye and Stu Scott keeps asking really deep questions
5:13 Rudy Gay’s watch looks like it’s worth more than my house
5:20 The questions from Scott continue. He’s trying really hard to make the prospects cry.
5:26 Vitale just mistakes Greg Anthony for Stephen A
5:30 Patrick O’Bryant apparently not only has great hands but “wonderful hands.” Terrific.
5:40 I enjoyed it way more when David Stern would come up and announce there has been a trade rather than Andy Katz or any of the ESPN reporters.
5:44 If Redick starts alongside Jameer Nelson, that’s a really small backcourt
5:54 Thanks Davis Stern for letting us know about a trade we found out about 3 hours ago
5:57 There’s been more trades in this draft than the amount of boyfriends Paris Hilton has had in the past year
5:59 Thabo Sefoloshu, another wing player going to Chicago, don’t they already have Luol Deng and Andres Nocioni
6:00 Welcome to Mormon country Ronnie Brewer, he doesn’t look very happy. But at least he has “freaky length” according to Bilas
Rai: “Brewer’s dad looks like on of the animals from the fifth element”
6:05 The Hornets have drafted Simmons and Hilton Armstrong, this reminds me of a few years ago when the Clippers drafted Chris Wilcox and Melvin Ely in the lottery. Horrendous.
6:10 If Hubie Brown was here: “You’re the 76ers and you want to move Allen Iverson to the 2 guard and you need a point guard really badly but then you draft a wing player who’s a poor man’s Andre Iguodala, and ALSO you have a general manager who doesn’t know what he’s doing.
6:30 I’m starting to yawn but Quincy Douby just got picked (Insert weed joke here)
6:32 The draft is lightened up with some drunk Knick fans wanting Marcus Williams to be their 4th guard with a bad attitude along with Starbury, Francis, and Jamal Crawford. At least Williams doesn’t chuck it up every time.
6:33 David Stern goes back into the war room, have the Knicks changed their mind?
Spike Lee motions to Stern to hurry up
6:35 Lee calls Renaldo Balkman a sleeper as the Knicks fans boo loudly. Isaiah Thomas is a genius. Bilas says he’s stunned repeatedly and calls Balkman a 2nd rounder. Meanwhile, Stephen A is “speechless” but then begins to yell again.
6:40 I’ve just received word that James White was on the phone at his agent’s office with Phil Jackson
Marcus Williams is regretting stealing those laptops. On the bright side, he’s losing some of that 14% body fat by sweating this out.
7:03 Lakers are on the clock, and I’m getting a little nervous. Of course, Kobe’s main boy Jim Gray is on the scene to tell us that Phil Jackson doesn’t like anyone in the draft
7:10 Buller predicted Farmar to the Lakers so I’ll give it to him, plus I lost both bets. But I’d pay 10 bucks for the Lakers to make a smart pick any day. Farmar is a perfect fit for the Lakers and their triangle offense because of his ability to shoot the ball (Bilas is an idiot) and his basketball IQ. A lot of guys don’t pick up the offense but Farmar will be able to contribute right away because he’ll find ways to be effective within the flow of the game. Plus he’s a local guy so he should feel right at home in the purple and gold. I’ve just received 10 different texts from people all pretty much saying the same thing. “Farmar staying in LA, that’s tight.”
7:25 Drunk Knick fans scream to fire Isaiah
The Knicks select Mardy Collins, a scoring guard. Don’t worry they don’t have any of those on their roster. Way to go Isaiah.
7:35 I never thought I’d see the day when the crowd would chant Russ Granik’s name.
7:40 Blazers GM being interviewed: Dan Patrick: “Do you have a philosophy and did you follow it?”
Blazers GM: Yea Dan, we wanted to get guys who can play offense and defense…and special teams
7:50 I thought I could make it all the way through the draft without yawning. I was wrong.
8:20 The first Israeli ever drafted Lior Eliyahu. Mazeltov.
8:38 Hassan Adams is drafted. Adams will combine with Richard Jefferson to form a high flying Arizona duo. If anyone can catch Jason Kidd’s passes it’s Adams. The Nets are unquestionably the most athletic team in the league.
I’m way too lazy and tired to talk about the rest of the draft, plus there were about 6 players drafted whose names I couldn’t even imagine pronouncing, including the Lakers pick Cheick Samb. Let’s hope he has tremendous upside potential, freakish athleticism, huge and wonderful hands, and super duper length.
Check back tomorrow for the winners and losers of the draft.
Mock Draft
No.1 Toronto Raptors Andrea Bargnani, 7’0 PF, Italy (Benetton Treviso)
The skinny: A few weeks ago, the Raptors hired Benetton Treviso general manager Maurizio Gherardini to be vice president and assistant general manager, becoming the first European to hold a senior management position with an NBA franchise. Coincidence? Maybe, but doubtful. Smart money says to trade the pick though for Toronto’s biggest need, a legitimate point guard who can pass (led the country in assists) and steal (laptops). I’m talking about Marcus Williams.
Best case scenario: Dirk Nowitzki
Worst case scenario: Nikoloz Tskitishvili
No.2 Chicago Bulls (via New York Knicks) LeMarcus Aldridge (Texas)
The skinny: On the bright side for the Knicks, at least they can’t butcher the pick if they don’t own it. The Bulls meanwhile continue to stockpile young talent and an athletic big man who can score will be a nice addition to an athletic big man who can’t score, Tyson Chandler.
Best: Jermaine O’Neal
Worst: Jerome Moiso
No.3 Charlotte Bobcats Rudy Gay (UConn)
The skinny: Michael Jordan is back in the NBA to make the Bobcats lottery pick. Let’s all hope he doesn’t pick another Kwame Brown. As great as he was as a player he’s that bad as a talent evaluator. Jordan and Isaiah Thomas should team up to create the worst team of all time. Gay makes sense here because he gives the Bobcats a scorer and has just enough intrigue and potential to make Jordan give him a chance.
Best: Vince Carter
Worst: Darius Miles
No.4 Portland Trailblazers Adam Morrison (Gonzaga)
The skinny: Dear Portland Trailblazers, if you wish to not alienate your fan base, not pass over the best proven player in the draft, and not shoot yourselves in the foot once again, then draft Morrison. If you don’t you’d be making a worse decision than watching The Ringer on DVD.
Best: Larry Bird
Worst: Luke Jackson
No.5 Atlanta Hawks Marcus Williams (UConn)
The skinny: Is Chris Paul available? Wait no that was last year. Tap, tap, no do-overs. The Hawks need a point guard badly yet it has been reported that they made a guarantee to take Duke power forward Shelden Williams. Last year’s starters at point guard for Atlanta? Royal Ivey and Tyronn Lue. Two words for the Hawks: Common sense
Best: Mark Jackson
Worst: In jail
No.6 Minnesota Timberwolves Brandon Roy (Washington)
The skinny: Lucky you T-Wolves, you’ve just drafted the ROY (Rookie of the Year). Finally, Kevin Garnett gets a scorer on the perimeter to compliment his post game. Roy may be the most complete player in the draft and is definitely ready to contribute right away.
Best: Dwyane Wade
Worst: Ron Mercer
No.7 Boston Celtics Tyrus Thomas (LSU)
The skinny: Kevin McHale, Larry Bird, and Robert Parish are not walking through the door. But Tyrus Thomas is and that may be a good thing. As Bill Simmons would say he has “tremendous upside potential.” He also has had one decent year in college and one great NCAA tournament. Aside from that, he’s an athlete who makes GM’s giggle like school girls checking out Justin Timberlake but has the substance of Kevin Federline.
Best: Dwight Howard
Worst: Stromile Swift
No.8 Houston Rockets JJ Redick (Duke)
The skinny: With Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady constantly drawing double teams, wouldn’t it make sense to draft a guy who is lights out from 3-point range. You would think so, but NBA teams overanalyze more girls looking at myspace posts.
Best: Steve Kerr
Worst: Casey Jacobson
No.9 Golden State Randy Foye (Villanova)
The skinny: With no glaring needs, the Warriors take the best player available at this point. Foye, a combo guard, will take the pressure off Baron Davis who gets injured more than Steve Urkel.
Best: Gilbert Arenas
Worst: Dajuan Wagner
No.10 Seattle Supersonics Isaiah Fox (Arizona) or Chris Rodgers (Arizona)
The skinny: If hell freezes over or the USA wins the World Cup. Unless either of those happen, the Sonics will pass on those former Wildcats and nab Shelden Williams who gives Seattle some toughness inside to go with the finesse of Nick Collison.
Best: Elton Brand
Worst: Samaki Walker
The skinny: A few weeks ago, the Raptors hired Benetton Treviso general manager Maurizio Gherardini to be vice president and assistant general manager, becoming the first European to hold a senior management position with an NBA franchise. Coincidence? Maybe, but doubtful. Smart money says to trade the pick though for Toronto’s biggest need, a legitimate point guard who can pass (led the country in assists) and steal (laptops). I’m talking about Marcus Williams.
Best case scenario: Dirk Nowitzki
Worst case scenario: Nikoloz Tskitishvili
No.2 Chicago Bulls (via New York Knicks) LeMarcus Aldridge (Texas)
The skinny: On the bright side for the Knicks, at least they can’t butcher the pick if they don’t own it. The Bulls meanwhile continue to stockpile young talent and an athletic big man who can score will be a nice addition to an athletic big man who can’t score, Tyson Chandler.
Best: Jermaine O’Neal
Worst: Jerome Moiso
No.3 Charlotte Bobcats Rudy Gay (UConn)
The skinny: Michael Jordan is back in the NBA to make the Bobcats lottery pick. Let’s all hope he doesn’t pick another Kwame Brown. As great as he was as a player he’s that bad as a talent evaluator. Jordan and Isaiah Thomas should team up to create the worst team of all time. Gay makes sense here because he gives the Bobcats a scorer and has just enough intrigue and potential to make Jordan give him a chance.
Best: Vince Carter
Worst: Darius Miles
No.4 Portland Trailblazers Adam Morrison (Gonzaga)
The skinny: Dear Portland Trailblazers, if you wish to not alienate your fan base, not pass over the best proven player in the draft, and not shoot yourselves in the foot once again, then draft Morrison. If you don’t you’d be making a worse decision than watching The Ringer on DVD.
Best: Larry Bird
Worst: Luke Jackson
No.5 Atlanta Hawks Marcus Williams (UConn)
The skinny: Is Chris Paul available? Wait no that was last year. Tap, tap, no do-overs. The Hawks need a point guard badly yet it has been reported that they made a guarantee to take Duke power forward Shelden Williams. Last year’s starters at point guard for Atlanta? Royal Ivey and Tyronn Lue. Two words for the Hawks: Common sense
Best: Mark Jackson
Worst: In jail
No.6 Minnesota Timberwolves Brandon Roy (Washington)
The skinny: Lucky you T-Wolves, you’ve just drafted the ROY (Rookie of the Year). Finally, Kevin Garnett gets a scorer on the perimeter to compliment his post game. Roy may be the most complete player in the draft and is definitely ready to contribute right away.
Best: Dwyane Wade
Worst: Ron Mercer
No.7 Boston Celtics Tyrus Thomas (LSU)
The skinny: Kevin McHale, Larry Bird, and Robert Parish are not walking through the door. But Tyrus Thomas is and that may be a good thing. As Bill Simmons would say he has “tremendous upside potential.” He also has had one decent year in college and one great NCAA tournament. Aside from that, he’s an athlete who makes GM’s giggle like school girls checking out Justin Timberlake but has the substance of Kevin Federline.
Best: Dwight Howard
Worst: Stromile Swift
No.8 Houston Rockets JJ Redick (Duke)
The skinny: With Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady constantly drawing double teams, wouldn’t it make sense to draft a guy who is lights out from 3-point range. You would think so, but NBA teams overanalyze more girls looking at myspace posts.
Best: Steve Kerr
Worst: Casey Jacobson
No.9 Golden State Randy Foye (Villanova)
The skinny: With no glaring needs, the Warriors take the best player available at this point. Foye, a combo guard, will take the pressure off Baron Davis who gets injured more than Steve Urkel.
Best: Gilbert Arenas
Worst: Dajuan Wagner
No.10 Seattle Supersonics Isaiah Fox (Arizona) or Chris Rodgers (Arizona)
The skinny: If hell freezes over or the USA wins the World Cup. Unless either of those happen, the Sonics will pass on those former Wildcats and nab Shelden Williams who gives Seattle some toughness inside to go with the finesse of Nick Collison.
Best: Elton Brand
Worst: Samaki Walker
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