Thursday, June 29, 2006

Winners and Losers

2006 NBA Draft winners and losers
First of all, the Portland Trailblazers made more moves in the span of four and a half hours than a San Fernando Valley drug dealer. Randy Foye was traded 20 times, going from being a sidebar to Sebastian Telfair's posse to drinking before practice with Darius Miles to having to take the big shots at the end of games because Kevin Garnett refuses to take them. Stephen A and Dick Vitale yelled, Jay Bilas did his best Hubie Brown impression and Dan Patrick and David Stern had either a very awkward, scripted exchange or genuinely don't like each other. How much would you pay to watch a Stern Patrick brawl in the green room followed by Stern fining Patrick for leaving the studio area and suspending him for more games than Ron Artest? All in all, you really couldn't have asked for a more exciting draft.
The Winners
The Blazers
Once nicknames the JailBlazers, Portland has started the rebuilding process in the right way by getting rid of Sebastian Telfair, taking the best player in the draft in Brandon Roy, drafting a big man with potential in LaMarcus Aldredge and taking two Euro's with potential in Sergio Rodriguez (traded from the Suns) and Joel Freeland (he's British). BTW, I'm dissapointed Stephen A didn't interview Freeland. He could be the NBA's version of Sean Connery.
Israelis and Jews
Two Israelis drafted in the 2nd round and Jordan Farmer, who's half Jewish taken in the 1st round. Lieberman becomes the next president, Shawn Green wins the Triple Crown, and Jay Fiedler wins Super Bowl MVP. Everyone pick up your Manischewitz. L'Haim.
The Washington Wizards drafted a Russian in the first round (Pecherov) and a Ukranian (Veremeenko)in the second round. Then they signed the big Russian guy from Street Fighter 2 to be their mascot.
The New York Knickerbockers
Isaiah Thomas went from dumb to stupid to retarded to just plain unconscious. Can he at least pretend to know what he's doing. If I gave his job to my grandmother and told her you have the No.20 pick in the draft. Here are 8 mock drafts, please take someone at a position that you need and someone who hovers around the first round. She could have done a better job. Thomas' main boy Renaldo Balkman was projected as late as 57 in some drafts. Nice job Isaiah, good luck finding another place to work, and I mean any place to work. I wouldn't trust Isaiah to run my fantasy basketball league because he'd probably screw that up too. And to top it off, with his second first round pick, he drafted Mardy Collins, a combo guard who can't shoot the ball and has questionable athleticism. That gives the Knicks their 8th combo guard to go along with 0 point guards. Congratulations.
Darius Washington, Curtis Stinson, Pops Mensah-Bonsu, Kevin Pittsnogle, Mike Gansey
Have fun in Europe boys

P.S. I challenge that girl who won the spelling bee to spell any of the names of the players taken in the last quarter of the 2nd round.

Check back tomorrow for bong names with yesterday's NBA draftees.

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