Relax: Kobe's threats are just that

Kobe Bryant is not going anywhere.

We all woke up today to the news that Kobe has demanded a trade. The shock around LA and the world (including London where my buddy Jason heard the news) could have been similar to when the country found out JFK had been assassinated.

LA Times story

Already, every player in the NBA finds himself in a trade rumor. Kobe to the Rockets for T-Mac and Yao, Kobe for Lebron, Kobe for Wade, Kobe to the Knicks.

Even this from my buddy Evan:

“ I think kobe is going to become roger Clemens after this contract is up. He just signs at the all-star break with whatever team needs his services.”

He signs a bunch of 10 day contracts drops 80 points a few times then signs another 10 day contract with another team.”

But people are jumping the gun. All of these “sorry man” and “enjoy rebuilding without kobe” message are for naught. This is not an Allen Iverson trade me situation. Kobe does not wear his heart on his sleeve. He’s calculating, shrewd, manipulative.

When he wants something, he doesn’t come out and just say it. He makes everyone else feel guilty. He shifts the blame. He puts pressure on others to do the work. So when the Lakers promised him they’d be a competitor and they didn’t deliver (see Caron Butler deal, and signings of Vlad Rad and Shammond Williams) Kobe was incensed.

He couldn’t just let the Lakers die out of the spotlight. In a playoff scenario, when no one cares about any of the last four teams involved, Kobe inserted himself back into the main focus of the NBA.

‘Hey remember me, I AM the best player in the NBA, give me some attention.’

With an ego the size of Vlad Rad’s contract, Kobe wanted everyone to know it was not his fault the Lakers lost in the first round. It was the fault of Jerry (I’m hammered and drive, while banging 25 year olds) Buss, Mitch Kupchak, and the sorry cast of losers Kobe referred to as teammates.

Kobe’s right though. Put the Cavs roster sans Lebron on the Lakers with Kobe and you’re looking at 10 more wins and a date with someone other than the Suns.

When Kobe became a free agent and talked about playing with the Clippers or the Suns before resigning with the Lakers, it was the same idea. He wanted to see how much people wanted him. He wanted to be reassured that the Lakers would bend over and kiss his ass, and do anything he wanted.

This is a similar situation. The Lakers have heard the threats and you better believe that moves are on the horizon. They will go out and sign who they have to sign, trade who they have to trade, and they will give Kobe his sidekick and prove to him that when he says something, it’s important to them.

And in the end, Kobe will remain a Laker and the city will once again live in peace.

Still the drama is certainly disconcerting.

Regardless of what happens, Levy summed up the day perfectly in a text message.

“Life sux.”

P.S. if Bill Simmons No. 1 possible trade (column) ever happens with Kobe going to the Suns, put me on suicide watch.