Q&A with superstar soccer player Hoosh

Roman's Empire is honored to have Hoosh as our Q&A guest today. Hoosh is a new member of the Hunter College (New York) soccer team. We know your soccer schedule keeps you busy so thanks for joining us Hoosh.

Q: First of all, you worked really hard to get to where you are in your soccer career, how much of an accomplishment was it to make the Hunter team?

A: Spending my teen years in the mean streets of West Hills provided me with the mental fortitude that has allowed me to become a part of an under-funded Division III soccer program that will aim to win at least 2 games next season. My parents and I could not be more jubilant about my accomplishments. I feel fortunate that a partially torn Achilles tendon, a severely sprained ankle, and two inflamed lumbar discs have not slowed me down...yet.

Q: Your friend Nadeem's question about a theory you and him had made it into Bill Simmons mailbag, and Simmons said "Nadeem and Hoosh go White Castle" was a great movie, how cool was that?

A: Seeing my name in a Bill Simmons article was the highlight of my sports-related career. It barely beat out my 28 point JCC League performance and that one time I filled in on the Camel-Towing team and fully represented the fellas with back hair.

Q: Some people doubted that it was you. Do you think there is anyone else named Hoosh in New York?

A: You know, after my name was put up on the interwebs, a few people have tried to stake a claim to the name "Hoosh". I would like to set the record straight once and for all that there is only one true Hoosh. He enjoys long walks on the beach and candlelight dinners with that special someone.

Q: What number are you wearing for Hunter, and why did you pick that number?

A: Since our soccer program is not very well funded, we change our jerseys and numbers every season. For the time being, I am wearing #2. It represents the number of times I tried out, unsuccessfully, for the ECR basketball team. Speaking of which...

Q: At El Camino Real High School, coach Ludlow called you as if you made the freshman basketball team, and then immediately cut you. How did that experience motivate you?

A: One could argue that Ludlow cutting me was the beginning of my miraculous rise to the top. For those that actually knew me, however, it marked my fall from grace. I immediately became a chain-smoker, gained 25 lbs, and started shouting obscenities at strangers for no apparent reason. It took a seemingly effective intervention by a mullah and a rabbi (it's complicated) to set me straight...I still sneak in a pack or five here and there.

Q: You used to shoot a version of Kareem's sky-hook, the “Hooshercize”, in pickup basketball games. What kind of reaction did that get from those playing in the game with you?

A: People would have the same look on their faces as my parents did when I told them I was gonna major in Philosophy. It was a magical and rare combination of amazement, confusion, disappointment, and utter shock. I recommend all the readers to try this if they can. Tell your parents and watch their reaction, it's really quite a scene.

Now let's go our readers:

Todd from West Hills, CA asks:

When growing up in Iran, who were your inspirations as soccer players and who do you feel your game most represents?

A: Great question Mr. Wolfson. Growing up in Iran, access to a TV was a rarity, so watching famous players was out of the question. But I did admire this guy who was like the neighborhood Ronaldo, though he couldn't really shoot, or pass, or dribble, and he was pretty slow too. But man he had some really nice cleats.

Q: Now Hoosh, I understand you are possibly planning to go to dental school but you also might be playing Birmingham Hoosh in "JCC the Movie," coming out in 2009, what other projects do you have in the works?

A: Well, I also have the sequel to "Nadeem and Hoosh go to White Castle" coming out soon. The sequel has a working title of "Nadeem and Hoosh Escape from Alcatraz" and is in post-production as we speak. We tried to get Sean Connery and Nick Cage to co-star with us, but the producers felt that having two big-name actors in our movie would diminish the artistic value.

In addition to dental school and all my movies, I may also be attending graduate school to pursue a PhD in Philosophy, or I may decide to stay in NYC and begin my takeover of a multi-billion dollar investment bank. I think we can all agree that with my combination of good looks and brains to match, the sky's the limit.

Q: What do you say to kids in Iran who are trying to follow in your footsteps?

A: My message for kids in Iran is plain and simple: do your best to be born into a family that is wealthy enough to move out of Iran. If you are unfortunate enough to not be one of those kids, there may be a Nigerian prince who can aid in your escape from Iran...for a minimal fee, of course.

OK, now let's go to the quick fire round...

Q: Favorite pro soccer team?

A: Paris Saint-Germain FC, followed by Liverpool FC

Q: The best Seinfeld episode is...

A: That’s like asking me to pick a favorite between my children. “The Little Jerry”

Q: Random Laker...

A: Mike Penberthy

Q: Who would win in a game of one on one, Larry or Mathew Rosenberg?

A: I’ve heard that Larry has been hitting the gym on the regular and has bulked up to at least 125 lbs, so he’s a viable threat. That being said, Matthew Rosenberg has the quickest release in the business, and I think that will be a deciding factor in a close game. 11-9 in favor of Rosenberg.