With the new Laker season upon us, it's time for the first annual Roman's Empire Laker preseason awards. Without further ado, let me introduce to you our host. Best known for trading away Shaquille O'Neal and swapping Caron Butler for Kwame Brown, not to mention being the cause of Kobe's unhappiness, he was a member of Bill Simmons' Atrocious NBA General Manager Summit. He is none other than Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak.
(Loud booing as Kupchak comes onto the stage)
"Hello everyone, we're not planning on doing too much today. Although I hear Shammond Williams has been playing better of late. Maybe he's the guy to put us over the edge. Let's hand out some awards. O wait, I don't have the go ahead from Jim Buss yet. We're going to have hold on."
(Jim Buss comes on stage with one of his dad's 22 year old hookers... I mean girlfiends. Both Busses appear inebriated.)
"We're going to trade Kobe," Jerry Buss mumbles into the microphone as he sways back and forth. But first lets get to the awards. Mitch, go sit down."
Most likely to not be traded when the Lakers get star players in return:
Most likely to make you throw things at your TV: Kwame Brown
Most likely to make you think they're showing a slow motion replay: Brian Cook
Most likely to be placed on the injured list without really being injured: Coby Karl
Most likely to be involved in an extreme sports accident: Vlad Radmanovic
Most likely to do the Soulja Boy: Jordan Farmar
Most Valuable Player not including Kobe Award (MVPNIK): Lamar Odom (if healthy)
Vlade Divac Award (player who brings team together and adds 5-10 wins because of added chemistry. Also adds entertainment):
Wizards GM Ernie Grunfeld shot down rumors of a possible Kobe for Gilbert Arenas trade.
"I don't normally comment on rumors but there is no truth to this rumor," Grunfeld told the Washington Post. "We've never had any conversations with the Lakers or with anyone else about Gilbert."